Unless we relinquish the pleasures of human interaction and make a conscious decision to become a hermit, we will need relationships. We spend every second of our lives in some sort of relationship, if not with others at least with ourselves.
Through others we realize ourselves, and within we consolidate that realization, consume it, digest it, transform it, evolving incessantly in the infinite matrix of who we are and what others are, and the perpetual process of becoming. Everyday we become something, if nothing else at least one day older. But each day has twenty-four hours, one thousand four hundred and four minutes, eighty six thousand four hundred seconds… During each of the seconds of our becoming how aware are we of our transformation?
Each morning we look ourselves in the mirror – do we mechanically brush our hair in front of the mirror or do we actually look at that other self facing us eagerly craving to be noticed? Sometimes we stop and do pay attention, one more wrinkle, one less hair, one more gray, a pimple… A shirt that suddenly shrank, or a color that doesn’t really go with how the day feels like!
Some will not care about these trivial things, others won’t even notice it, some will notice them but feel proud or nothing about it, others will cover up, hide it, make it look less or prettier.
How often do we stop to pay attention to who we are, who we become and are becoming every second we live? The crucial question is how well do I know myself so I can know others and allow others to know me – how healthy is my relationship with self so that I can thrive building up healthy relationships with others?
It is amazing to understand and accept the difficulty of developing my relationship with myself. It is the most difficult relationship I can possibly try to develop. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, transparency, authenticity, truth, trust. All these qualities open up the space for comfort, stress-free relationships. Knowing myself is very hard work, everyday I have to find the courage to scrutinise who I am. And it is not easy, because it is very easy to lie to myself or to pretend. But, as with any other relationship, when I am not genuine I end up being caught somewhere down the line.
Everyday I have to make the commitment, and renew it daily, to face the harsh realities of my imperfections. I push myself to go through the painful experience of listening to others, how others perceive me… as my wise six year old said “…without me there wouldn’t even be you”! And that is the reality of who we are, without the reality of all others we interact with we are simply not!
It is not easy, not easy at all. We all have greateness encoded in our DNA, we were all born to be great. The problem is that most times I forget that greateness is not synonimous with perfection. Being inperfect is also part of who we are. And I will only be able to achieve greateness when I acknowledge, fully accept my imperfections. Because acknowledging and accepting my inperfections empowers me with the ability of sharing them with those who really matter, those that love me unconditionally. All others are in my life with a temporary objective, short or long term, and knowing myself empowers me to focus on sharing just that side of me that is pertinent to their objective. And thorugh their greateness I achieve mine…